This may come as a bit of a shock to some people (especially to those who know me). I've been married for almost 4 years now, I have kids, and I've never been past 2nd base with Melanie (this despite my incredibly good looks combined with the best and most seductive pickup lines money can buy (example: "You must be a parking ticket, cause you got fine written all over you"). I should add, for the sake of keeping the record straight, that 2nd base is fantastic (highly recommended).
Anyway, for whatever reason, people are confused about the kids... so for those of you who can't figure this out on your own, I drew you a freaking picture.
Melanie. Swimsuit. Roller Coaster.
Seriously people, get with the program.