Brian's Brain

I mean it. They're everywhere, and the problem has only gotten worse over the last few years. Now.. listen carefully. Please.. for the love of all humanity, STOP sending me all of these disgusting home-made "goodies". Nobody eats them (and I have a hard time accepting that even YOU eat them). They don't even LOOK good, and in most cases I don't even know what they're supposed to be! Then, when you do get brave enough to try one, you're rewarded with a reminder to listen to your gut next time. (no pun intended).

Somehow I don't think this is what Jesus had in mind when he was born. "I've got it!", I'm sure He thought [sarcasm], "I'll be born, then for every year thereafter, it will give people an excuse to make the most hideous 'goody' recipes on the planet and inflict them on their neighbors. I've even got a name for it. We'll call it 'Christmas Cheer'".

Face it, these candy-crunch maple raspberry wafer popcorn balls make baby Jesus cry.

The grossness ends here. While I think it's safe to say that we all prefer a gift that wasn't made in an environment where your kid probably sneezed on it multiple times, if you must deliver "Christmas Cheer" in the form of edible goods, let's just stick to things that God made, like Oranges, or M&M's.