Brian's Brain

Several weekends ago, I was rushing around trying to do some shopping. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the weather right then. It was dark, unseasonably cold, and wet in the parking lot.

As I was loading my car up, I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So, mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to th mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred-dollar bill in his hand.

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full-time jobs, She made very little to support her large family.

Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children some presents (since she didn't manage to get them anything on their birthdays). His mother had dropped off the young boy on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home.

He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I queried.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.
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[Note: This was sent to me as an email forward, which I'm normally not a fan of. However, this one was too funny to pass up. I decided to share it with all of you!]

I mean it. They're everywhere, and the problem has only gotten worse over the last few years. Now.. listen carefully. Please.. for the love of all humanity, STOP sending me all of these disgusting home-made "goodies". Nobody eats them (and I have a hard time accepting that even YOU eat them). They don't even LOOK good, and in most cases I don't even know what they're supposed to be! Then, when you do get brave enough to try one, you're rewarded with a reminder to listen to your gut next time. (no pun intended).

Somehow I don't think this is what Jesus had in mind when he was born. "I've got it!", I'm sure He thought [sarcasm], "I'll be born, then for every year thereafter, it will give people an excuse to make the most hideous 'goody' recipes on the planet and inflict them on their neighbors. I've even got a name for it. We'll call it 'Christmas Cheer'".

Face it, these candy-crunch maple raspberry wafer popcorn balls make baby Jesus cry.

The grossness ends here. While I think it's safe to say that we all prefer a gift that wasn't made in an environment where your kid probably sneezed on it multiple times, if you must deliver "Christmas Cheer" in the form of edible goods, let's just stick to things that God made, like Oranges, or M&M's.