This time of year comes with shocking consistency. I'm not talking about geyser eruptions and bowel movements (despite the uncanny similarities), I'm talking about my birthday. I've decided that since I'm turning 25 this year, I'll make this one my mid-life crisis. Why people wait until their 40's or 50's to have one of these is beyond me. My best friend Kerby Smith is a long-time fan of the "bullet in the head" approach after 29. We all know this is ludicrous as there are at least 15 mildly okay years after 30, and in my case, since some of those will likely be spent in institutions, I'd like to try and squeeze in another 5. The other key advantage to having my mid-life crisis now is that this automatically entitles me to a Corvette. (I don't particularly like Corvette's, but it seems to be the staple car for people going through these hard times).
But this is all beside the point. The point here is that I'm having my mid-life crisis birthday on Saturday, and I'd like to make sure everyone is aware of what types of gifts I'm expecting. (Note to people who are reading this: This means you!).
- Position as Iraq's new supreme dictator after Saddam is ousted -- I promise to be a good ruler. We'll call it "Briraq" and have a killer flag design contest in the elementary schools and "Every new baby gets chocolate eclair"
- A keyboard with pre-defined curse words -- would improve my typing efficiency by 98%!
- To President Bush: Please add Walmart to the Axis of Evil
- 50 cases of candy in small, unmarked wrappers
- Calvin Klein's speedy recovery
- That seat on the British Parliament that I never got for Christmas? I STILL WANT IT!
Comments (4)
Does this mean I am invited?
Posted by Jimmy | April 9, 2003 10:42 PM
Posted on April 9, 2003 22:42
Only if you bring the concorde with you
Posted by Chris | April 11, 2003 4:26 PM
Posted on April 11, 2003 16:26
Hmm. . . Those all sound pretty good, but seeing as I'm a bit low on cash at the moment, how about some unseemingly tacky nick nack?
Posted by Zacharia | April 12, 2003 9:34 AM
Posted on April 12, 2003 09:34
Here's how you'll get a seat in Parliamant. First, we trace you to a member of parliamant through geneology. Then we wack em' and any other relatives who get in the way, close or distant. Sure you won't have as much family but on the bright side, you'll save money (deduction in Christmas spending) and you'll be a man of POWER! Unless of course, the UK is democratic and this whole scheme was plotted to entertain myself. Either way I'm content.
Posted by Birt | May 23, 2003 2:36 PM
Posted on May 23, 2003 14:36